I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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