according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
