You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
