This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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