i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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