I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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