I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
