toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
