I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
