Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
