awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
