Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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