there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
