i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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