Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
