but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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