Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
