remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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