Whod you bang
Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
