It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
