I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
