Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
