why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
