It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize