Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
