if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
