He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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