i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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