I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
