he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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