HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
