She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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