she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
