My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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