We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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