Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
