are you so shy because you have an std?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize