he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
