Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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