thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
