At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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