I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
So much rum. So many feels.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
