rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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