I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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