i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
