I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
