Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
