i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize