if you like me you must not know who I am
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
