I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Randomize
