Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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