if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
