Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
