is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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