So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I will pee on everything he values.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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