Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
