it's too hot outside to masturbate.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
