I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
