I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
