What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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