I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
