I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
