is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
