Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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