Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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