Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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