Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
