This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
