when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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