The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize