We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize