i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
