I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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